Today is my birthday

I am 45 yrs. old today, Happy Birthday to me.

I have a lady comming to look at my car tomorrow I pray she buys my car. I need to sell it so I can send my other car home. I so want to be home now but there are things I must take care of before I can go.

As you know I am taking my 2 Cats with me but I have 4 more that are rescues. I keep thinking it will be very hard to place 3 of them since they are very timid and shy around others, they run the other way when even my husband comes into the room. I have been trying to place them but have had no luck as of yet. I refuse to put them in the animal shelter, just the thought of them being in that place and being terrified, and all alone just breaks my heart. And the fact they would be put down by a stranger and maybe even forceably I can't live that. And I can't take them with me there is no place to keep them. So I have come to the conclusion that I might just have to put them to sleep myself. This will be one of the hardest things I have ever done. But just the thought of something happening to them, or there last days at a shelter being one of terror and confusion is more thank I can take. I would rather they be put down in my loving arms than by a stranger and forceably. It's the only humane conclusion I have come up with since most people do not want to take the time to work with such shy and timid animals. Please pray for me that God gives me a spirit of peace about this. It's like I am ripping out my own heart. I know they are just animals to some but they are family to me. I hope I have the strength and courage to do this.
The other cat will be more easy to place as she is a very loving and affectionate. I just need to find her a home.

I wish this was all over and I was home, I know God never gives us more than we can bear. I am just wondering how much more can I bear. I wish I had some family here to help me but there is no one. I am doing this all on my own, my husband is not lifting one finger to help me except for to pay for my personal belongings to be shipped home and if I am lucky the plane tickets for me and my cats. I know things will be better once I get home and am surrounded with loving family.
It's just that today is not one of my happier birthdays, I need to put my big girl pants on and move forward. This is not the end of the world just moving to a new chapter of my life.